Lei Inay

• Transcript

  Speaker 1 [00:00:02] Uh. Uh. Um. Hello. Hello. Join audio. Join with computer. Sure. Hello. Hello. Um, can you hear me? Okay. Okay, let's try. Chad. Why? Okay.

  Speaker 2 [00:00:50] Um.

  Speaker 1 [00:00:54] Headphones. Real quick microphone and be.

  Speaker 2 [00:01:18] Hello. Hello. It must be.

  Speaker 1 [00:01:29] Hello? Hello. Yes. Okay. And. Hello? Can you hear me now? Okay, Good. Good. No, Thank you for your patience. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I've just been work has been really busy. So thank you so much for your understanding the first time. Okay. That's good to hear.

  Speaker 2 [00:02:21] Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:02:27] Yes, I'm recording now as we speak. Yes. Of course. Yeah, go ahead.

  Speaker 2 [00:02:47] Hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:02:53] Yes, of course. Of course. Yes, I did. So it's just I just had a hard time understanding it. And I. I didn't feel comfortable signing it, not completely understanding all of the jargon in it. So, yeah, it was just a lot of like words that I couldn't quite conceptualize myself. So if you like, like you said in your previous email, if you don't mind going over that would mean like layman terms. I would really appreciate that.

  Speaker 2 [00:04:15] Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:04:30] Okay. Absolutely. Of course. I kind of got that generally, but I wanted to make sure first. But yeah. So, uh, do you mind if I just send you a signed version after our meeting here?

  Speaker 2 [00:04:46] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:05:03] Of course. Yep. Sounds good to me. Thank you. Yes, Yes. Whatever you need. Of course. [00:05:31]So my name is Lee, the sort of like my nickname. So my, my, my full legal name is Carolyn Rivera. I'm 23. [8.8s] Sorry, I completely blanked on the next question. Oh, yes. Okay. So [00:05:53]I was born in Antipolo, Philippines, and I currently live in Calgary, Alberta. [5.0s] So when [00:06:09]we moved to when I was like 1011. So I've been in Canada for like most my life. My, my father immigrated first and he was here for a few years and then brought the rest of us over, my brother and my mother and I. [16.8s]

  Speaker 2 [00:06:32] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:06:39] Yes. Yes. [00:06:48]I am working at a local coffee shop in Calgary here. I also do freelance work. I just I work at the coffee shop as a more stable income. But I like to think my freelancing like art is my priority. Um, yeah. So that's sort of my life right now. [18.2s] I do. I do a blend of stuff a lot of digital these days, just because it's easier to have a wider like audience with digital art. But I do a lot of traditional as well. I do acrylic painting, I do watercolor painting. I also do a lot of portraiture. But yeah, that's sort of the the realm of where my art is. Oh, yes.

  Speaker 2 [00:07:50] Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:07:57] Oh, not growing up. I actually really wanted to be a singer. Like, singing was a big passion of mine. Not so much recently, but when I was younger. I love to sing. I love to dance. I just wanted to perform when I was younger. But I guess like as a as a as an aside, when I was younger because so I'm, I'm a bit fairer. Like I have very light features. So I, I used to compete in like pageants and stuff. So that was something I really enjoyed growing up. And yeah, so just in general, like I like to perform, but I think I've become more introverted as I've grown older, so I prefer a more quiet art medium.

  Speaker 2 [00:08:55] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:09:07] So it does [00:09:07]so in the early like 2000 tends in I would I could genuinely say Canada, but specifically in Alberta there is a demand for migrant workers. So specifically, the Calgary airport was looking for a lot of like immigrant people to take jobs there. And so like, you know, we weren't very well off. [22.7s] We were for the most part, like with our side society store and then also being supported by family members who are much more well-off. [00:09:38]I think my parents had this sort of pride they wanted to maintain and be able to support ourselves like. Beyond my family, like my extended family supporting us. So my dad took the the job at the airport as a manager for a restaurant. So it was very much like, you know, people in batches coming to Calgary and like taking up the work that the Calgary airport needed. And I'm sure there was many different places that were looking for for like migrant workers. But specifically the Calgary Airport was looking for a lot. So, yeah, so it was, it's kind of like, you know, in the same way that like people, like sports teams recruit from high schools, it was like immigration companies recruiting in different provinces in the Philippines for like people who are looking for looking to be like OFW use. So yeah, that was sort of the situation where it was like my parents didn't dream about leaving the country, but once the opportunity was presented, it seems like a pretty good deal. So. [62.9s]

  Speaker 2 [00:10:59] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:11:37] Um, I'm sure. So [00:11:40]my dad is a very sociable person, You know, in the Philippines, we're very it's a very community based. We're very social people. So I know he felt really isolated for a long time, especially because he's my my dad's very much like a family man. So he's like, he felt very alone a lot of the times. It was a very, I would say, a very dark point in his life. Like emotionally, my dad was like, any chance he could get to, like, face time us like when Skype was still a thing, we would Skype and all of these things and it was just like, I was really young then, so I didn't really understand how hard it was for him to be away just because, you know, I was a kid. But like now, as an adult who, like I can conceptualize this isolation he felt, which was, I think, weird because so the way that immigration specifically like that, that like company that brought all of these people over the way that that worked was it would be like ten of W's in one house like all living together in this under one roof for working for the same company. And yet I know that my dad felt so incredibly alone, despite like being in this, like being surrounded by people like, other like Filipino people. So it was, I know, really hard for him and really hard for my mom because they were like high school sweethearts. So they're very, very sweet on each other. So yeah, it was. And yeah, my parents don't really talk about things like that. They felt emotionally they're not very open like that. Um, so it. It's all things I'd like me now as as an adult, like retroactively looking at it. I'm like, my parents were definitely very troubled, like looking at the actions that they do, but they would never say it. [110.7s]

  Speaker 2 [00:13:38] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:13:58] [00:13:58]So my dad. I came to Canada in 2007, 2008, and we only like you only got to come home once between that time and then 2010, when he came home for the final time to go to Canada with us. So I guess that's like what, four years about give or take? So it was a very long time to be without my dad. Yeah, it it now now it's like kind of a small blip in my life. But it was such a big deal to me when I was younger, like finally getting to live with him again. [39.1s] So [00:14:51]when he left, he actually the intent was always to bring us over. So it was always the intent to move to Canada and like stay. So but he had only planned to like. He had planned to come home every year and then also bring us over after a year of working there. That was his plan. And that was like, I guess, what the agency told him he was able to do. But, you know, life kind of isn't always what it is on paper. [26.9s] So and these are things too, I learned, like retroactive, like after the fact. Like when when I got older, we were we would have conversations about it and like, they'd be like, you know, we always intended to move here, but it we didn't expect it to take so long. [00:15:34]And this was especially, too, when immigration was so easy back then. So it was the fact that it was easier then kind of speaks to how hard it is now. [9.8s] So yeah, that was sort of the we we're always plan to live here. Whenever I remember being very shocked just because in the Philippines I would go out. I knew all of my neighbors, all the neighborhood kids would always play together and like even just going to school because like the way it was like in our community, we only had one middle school and one high school. So like everyone from the community, like everyone in like antipolo proper, we would walk to the same school, so it would be like hundreds of kids all walking together, right? So it was I always felt like I had people. [00:16:35]So moving here was like incredibly isolating, especially to because like English, like I had a grasp of English, like because I was fortunate enough to go to a montessori in school. That's part of the the help that my like my rich uncle was able to give us. He sent us to a good school. And so, like, I had like a concept of English. But of course the English teacher in the Philippines is so different from the English that you use in everyday life. It's so like speaking with people. I could always tell I was I would talk in a weird way because they didn't talk like how I did. So I knew that other kids could pick up on the fact that I wasn't Canadian. So, yeah, it was it was incredibly isolating at the beginning. But fortunately enough, like the school I went to was very diverse. Like there was lots of like Filipino people, a lot of like South just South Asian people in general. [57.3s] I didn't expect that considering like after elementary, all of the schools I went to were very white. But like my elementary had a lot of like we had a lot of Asian kids, we had a lot of black and brown kids. So it's just [00:17:46]now I can be like, Oh, that was a great experience. But like Filipino wise, it didn't feel like I had that community. So yeah, it was certainly very different. Not like being able to go out, especially because we came in October, which is like at that point it was already like deep into winter for Calgary. So like not being able to go outside and play, not being able to like run to the store and buy snacks and things like that, just like things that I was so used to suddenly I just couldn't do anymore. I would stay inside and then it would get dark really quickly. The only person I had to play with was my younger brother and my mom at the time. And then I would I had to go to school and like I didn't know anybody. It was just it was a lot. It was a lot to take in for sure. [47.8s] Oh, yeah. So the smell coming off of the plane was very. It's I still remember it now. It's, it was this very sharp very like how to put it it because you know how like if you're out in the sun for too long you smell that you like you kind of have this smell about you. That's what the Philippines smells like to me. But when we came and landed, it was just very like the it's like what I can tell now is like the smell of like freezer burn, if that makes sense. Is this very sharp smell and it's very like it was crisp and it almost like kind of like it was very like a very sterile smell coming off of the plane. It was just such a different it was a much more subdued smell than what I was used to, I guess. So, yeah. It and just coming off the airport, you just seeing like so many different types of people because I would say the Philippines at the time was still very mono like monolithic, very like one group of people is what you would see, people who would look like just everybody else. But getting to that airport, just like different types of people, it was it was very nice, but it was very like eye opening sight for me as a young person.

  Speaker 2 [00:20:16] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:20:57] It's definitely drier here, for sure. There's one or two people I was able to find when I got older and like, you know, I was able to have a computer and stuff because like when I was younger, we had like the the family computer in, like the main room. It was the one computer. And I didn't have like social media then, like, I didn't have anything like that. But like, as I got, I turned when I turned like I think 14, I was able to reconnect with a really good friend, my friend Alec. Alec Montemayor I am still connected with him to this day. He got married a few months ago. Like I'm so very happy for him, but he still lives in the Philippines and he's like, he was like one of my best friends growing up. And like, it was just so weird to not have him in my life anymore. And just like, I don't know, it was it was the because it felt different, like reconnecting with him. It didn't. Which I'm kind of sad about. It didn't feel like falling back into place. It feels like having to create something new. So it it's nice to still be in contact. But I think at all the people I am still in contact with, having to find them again, I think fundamentally changed that sense of Connect community I had with them growing up.

  Speaker 2 [00:22:35] Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:22:42] I'm actually in. Uh, let's see. So I came here in 2010. I think the last time I visited was in 2014. Yes. So it's been a long time for me. Just because it's it's and it's it's an expensive trip to take. And also just like I growing up. So there's this, uh, there's this. There's a thing that, like, young people get in the Philippines where it's, I forget the specific term, but it's like pre onset asthma. And I had asthma growing up. So going to the Philippines, it always like triggers my asthma. So it's never been a healthy thing for me to go back home, especially now that I'm no longer I come acclimatized to it because I think growing up I was able to sort of like bear with it and like I only had panic, like asthma attacks every once in a while. But I remember in 2014, I just did not could not like I couldn't breathe like, just like having an attack. Almost like every day we were there and we were there for two weeks. It was just very, very hard. So I not to say that I'm traumatized, but I on top of not being able to afford it, I don't think I'd be comfortable going back home just in a health sense.

  Speaker 2 [00:24:19] Mm hmm. Mhm. Yeah.

  Speaker 1 [00:24:34] I was just like [00:24:35]when I was younger. It certainly hurt me more just because I think now as a as I, as I'm older, I have sort of made peace with the fact that I am where I am and like especially after like I moved out like a few years ago, I've made a home for myself, so I don't feel so like distant from the word home anymore because for a long time, like, I still felt like a part of me was missing because I would miss the Philippines like that for a long time. That was still my home and I was just away from home. But like these days, these past couple of years, I've made a home. I've found a home. And it doesn't make me as sad anymore to not be able to go back to that, because also now I know, like I've come to peace with the fact that the Philippines is so different from what I remember it, right? So it's it's certainly a place I still love and has a a a a spot in my heart, But it's something I'm less sad about these days. [62.0s]

  Unidentified [00:26:00] Hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:26:31] I would say so. [00:26:33]It it's became more prominent in like my early teens. [2.9s] But when I was younger. Mm hmm. I think it wasn't so drastic, but there certainly like. Because I was because my parents had the Sadie Sadie store. My mom would be home, like, all the time because the store was just connected to our house. So it was just out of our garage. We had the store front and then we I would see her every day. But [00:26:58]when my dad started working more and my mom started working two jobs, it was just like not being able to see them was so weird for me because, like, we're very loving family, very like we were very affectionate and like, you know, I know it. I can I know now that it really hurt my parents to growing up. But like as a child, it was so weird to like us. So we lived in a basement suite, so it was like barely any of us. So on top of like barely any sunlight, not being able to go out and not having any friends, like in the neighborhood because going out, no one ever like you don't find kids just playing out on the street like you do in the Philippines. It was it would be me and my brother in this base and sweet by ourselves, which I am pretty sure is illegal. But, you know, sometimes you got to do what you gotta do. And it was just be like days where I would have to, instead of playing, I would have to take care of my brother because he was two years younger than me. Well, he still is, but like, you know, two years younger than me. So he was like seven and he didn't quite know yet how to take care of himself. So I would as the eldest, I would have to do all of the things around the house. [70.7s] Well, my parents were like things I already did. But growing up I had my Lola and like, you know, I had a few cousins that, like, lived close by. So, like, they were all older than me. And so I was it was just so weird to now be so isolated and not have [00:28:27]I felt like I couldn't be a kid anymore. Like there was certainly a point where I felt like I became like a third parent. So it was definitely very hard because then to my parents, although my dad and my mom are both very social people, they didn't find friends right away in the same way that they had in the Philippines. So I became their confidant, which I know now. So I go to therapy now, but I know now has caused me a lot of stress and has made my relationship with them feel much weirder than what it should be. [38.1s] So, yeah, having to be the one to bear a lot of that burden and not having any outlet for that at such a young age and not like having the tools to deal with the fact that my parents are deeply, deeply sad is it was a lot. It was definitely a lot. Yeah.

  Speaker 2 [00:29:38] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:29:40] Yeah. My brother's the baby of the family, for sure.

  Speaker 2 [00:29:44] Yeah. Oh. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:30:46] So birthdays in the Philippines were a big thing. I think just any occasion to have a party Filipinos love. So in the Philippines, anytime anyone would have a birthday are our barangay captain. So Titilayo. He was like. He was like the head of the neighborhood Community committee. So, like, he would, like, get together with all the other parents, especially if, like any of the kids in the neighborhood would have a birthday and then there would be like they would close off the street and then there. So what they would they would do three things always for anybody's birthday, which was they would rent a karaoke machine. And so karaoke machines, I don't know if you know, in the Philippines. So they're like this like arcade looking thing. And so there would be that they would close off the street. And then it was in my mind this is the most the most like iconic of Filipino birthdays is the pineapple with the hot dogs and marshmallows. So that is those are things that are like staples of Filipino birthdays in my mind. And it would be the whole neighborhood would come out. It would either be like on like the street front, right in front of the entrance of the community, or we would be up in like so the way our neighborhood in the Philippines was shaped, it was like a p shape and the part of the P that like the P part, like the the hump of the letter would be like this upward hill. And on the corner of that hill is this basketball court where we would also have like where Christmas would happen, where like mass would happen and all of these things. A lot of community stuff happened there. So that either in either of those places where is where the party would happen. So coming here and like having a birthday that was exclusively in the backyard of. So by the time my first my second birthday rolled around, my first birthday was kind of like a blip in the radar. It was very like my parents got me a cake and that was it. We say Happy birthday. And then I had school the next day, so it wasn't a big thing. And, you know, I, I could kind of accept that. I was like, okay, this is like the first year, it's fine. But the second birthday we had, my parents had managed to. So my dad found that he had aunts and uncles here, so they rented out one of their properties to us and we were able to have a house instead of living in the basement suite. And so my parents threw me for my birthday a like a backyard party. So they had invited, like all of their work friends and their kids. Like these are like Filipino families. So, like they're batch mates, so people that they came to Canada with together so it would be like them and then like their kids would come and I guess like my distant cousins who had been living in Canada. So like people who are like relatively my same age, but I've never like been close to them at all. So like, these are people that my parents like. They wanted me to still have that community. I know, but it was just trying to force. It was always really it was in they, they, they tried, but it was it was hard, especially because it didn't feel the same and. No. And like. It didn't have the things in my mind that made it staples of a Filipino birthday party. And I still enjoyed myself. I still had fun, but it was a very the feeling was very different. It was very, very different.

  Speaker 2 [00:34:19] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:35:06] So my my dad's, like, so in, like, growing up, So my my Lola on my dad's side, she had three different, I guess, husbands. I don't think husbands, but she had like three sets of kids with three different men. So her first. Marriage was with this man, blah, blah, blah. And that's my teacher was born and then my dad was with another man. And then my mother, his two younger brothers, my two uncles. They had a different dad. So like, there's just different, like. So when we came here, I guess my dad had mentioned Bubble or we came to Calgary, but and then so my uncle had said, Oh, because he has a different like family tree. They had said, Oh, Aunty and the Maritimes leave this bubble here and the anti-male dummy lives here. And then so she lives in Calgary. I think I'll bring her up and then maybe you can like meet with them because I think they also, my family back home wanted us to still have family here, so we didn't feel so alone. So yeah, I think my dad reached out to them and like, you know, Facebook was the way to go. You find find those people. And yeah, it was definitely like they're not directly related to my dad. They're my uncles, aunts and uncles. So it's like a few steps removed from us, but they still welcomed us like family and still, like, treated us as family. So yeah, it was very much like a it was like, Where's Waldo? Of like, where are the Rosales family? Where is the Rivera family? So yeah.

  Speaker 2 [00:37:09] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:38:17] Um, [00:38:18]I think I'm on the road to being better. Certainly, ever since I, like, sought out help, and I've found, like, you know, a group of people as my support system, it has been better. But like, as much as I love my family, they were certainly a lot of source of my mental wellness. [22.8s] Like, I love them, but some days I don't like them. [00:38:47]For a lot of the weight that was put on me growing up and a lot of the pressure and a lot of things. So like, I guess as an aside, [7.3s] I was as a young woman [00:38:56]when I was younger [0.4s] because of like how I looked. So my my grandfather on my mom's side was half American. So he was from Hawaii and he moved to the Philippines to marry my grandmother. And his genes are really strong, so I have some very pale features. So like [00:39:19]I did modeling and commercials and I brought in a lot of the income growing up. So it was it was that. And then knowing what I know now that I supported my family financially when I was younger and then emotionally growing up here in Canada, it was it's a lot of resentment I have that I don't know where to put because I know that they didn't mean to do it, but it's still there, you know what I mean? [26.8s] So it's it's a lot of [00:39:49]something my therapist has said now is those feelings can exist and it's up to you to find a place for them. And so that's sort of what I've been working on, is like fighting, letting myself feel the anger and not pinpointing it at anybody, like a laser, just letting it be something that is a part of me and saying that that's okay, it's okay that I am angry, it's okay that I feel the resent, but knowing that I still love these people is also important. [32.7s] Yeah, I don't know if that really answered your question. Sorry, [00:40:26]but yeah, that was just sort of in the situation of just like I have a lot of these sort of unprocessed negative emotions that I'm only just recently starting to unpack and. And uncover. [12.9s] Uh, yeah.

  Speaker 2 [00:41:02] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yes.

  Speaker 1 [00:42:25] [00:42:25]So I have very mixed feelings about it. It's very much like not to get too deep into unpacking colonialism, but like, you know, it's very much a result of all of these people destabilizing our country and just like, you know, creating the the idea that there is more desirable things outside of like the place we're born and like, making it so hard to live there that you you seek out these other places. So you leave behind your communities. You leave behind like your family and the things that you know and the lifestyle that you know for quote unquote, the American dream, the Canadian dream, you know, the the promise of stability and the promise of all of these things. And like, it's it's to me is is a little bit heartbreaking that. The Philippines to a lot of people is no longer a desirable place to be. Right. It's deep and deeply saddening to to be a this might sound very pessimistic, but the fact that OFW youths are a are a Filipino export. We are a commodity that is being sold to the West like Filipino nurses, Filipino caretakers, like we are like we are in in in droves going to these countries and providing this service like we are like known for it, right? Like that is our quote unquote stereotype is the Filipino nurse, the Filipino caretaker and all of these things. So the fact that we fill those gaps and these like in these like Western countries is deeply saddening to me. But I have also found opportunities in Canada that I never would had stayed in the Philippines, like, I am queer, I am an artist, I am I am all of these things that would not have fit conventionally in the Philippines. And so I am thankful for in this very niche way, the way that I am able to live my truth because my parents immigrated. But as a as an entire structure, I am. Deeply critical of the the nature of of of Filipinos and of Jews and people like immigrating. [155.0s] Yeah.

  Speaker 2 [00:45:16] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:46:31] I think the hardest was most most people I know will say the weather is is astronomically horrible. Winters here are not kind. I know they're much harsher in like Saskatchewan or Manitoba, but in Calgary, because of the Chinook, it's very light, it's wet, it's icy, it's slushy, it's gross. And the the the dryness of it makes the cold bite a little bit harder. So the weather was certainly not is because, you know, growing up, you watch like you watch Christmas movies or like you watch like animated shows that have like snow. And all of these things are like, wow, so magical snowball fights and snow angels. Then you get here and the snow is too slushy to do any of that with. So it's not even fun in that regard. So it was it was very like just acclimating to that in general was also not very fun, but yet it was also the loneliness. It was so isolating. Being here, I know my parents felt it a lot more than I did because, you know, once I started school, I was I was able to find friends. Even with my two proper English, I was able to find people that way. But, you know, it's harder to find friends with, like coworkers, especially, like if you're not, like, hanging out with each other in more recreational ways, it's much harder. But yeah, it I know it was really hard for them. One of the better things I think is my parents were able to have free time that something like we were able to take vacations. Like that's something we weren't able to like in the Philippines. We could take like, a day trip. Sure. And like, that was just because we would have a weekend that lined up with like we were off school and my parents were off work and that would just line up. But here we were like my parents were able to like they're able to take trips now, they're able to have vacations and things like that. And we were my dad's dream was to go to Disney World, and we were able to do that when we were younger. And so it was just it was nice to finally be in a situation where my parents were allowed to have fun and like not have to be like, Oh, but when we get home, this is and this is like, no, they they have like we weren't well-off, but we had enough money to take trips like that and be and, and be like a family in that way. So I'm, I'm very thankful for all of the for all the enjoyment we were able to have and a lot of the fun and a lot of the memories we were able to make because of where we were. I think there's not a lot of regret. I think there's certainly things that my parents did in their time apart that they would regret, very scrupulous things that I will not disclose just because they're they're a bit unrelated. But, you know, they did things in their time apart that they have forgiven each other for now and have moved past. But like the whole immigrating thing, I don't think there's very many things other than maybe for my mother leaving my Lola behind like that. Her and her mom have a very close relationship. So having to leave my Lola behind just because bringing over an old, an older person is much harder to do than to bring, like your immediate family. It's very hard. So, yeah, I think that's one of the only things I can think of. Other than that, I think my parents are very happy with where they are. Of course.

  Unidentified [00:50:52] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:50:55] I, [00:50:56]I think it's an important thing for me that I've had to learn is that I need to approach the hardships me and my parents face with kindness. I need to approach our our differing values, because I did mostly grow up here. So our values are very different. Though I still think I have a lot of Filipino. [21.0s]

  Speaker 1 [00:51:17] [00:51:17]Values. [0.0s]

  Speaker 1 [00:51:18] [00:51:18]It's it's very different. So to approach conversations with them with kindness and patience, because they did they did a lot they sacrificed a lot to get here. And they they did have to give up like entire communities and connections and their entire lives to bring me and my brother here. But on the same side, like on the opposite side of that, I also would hope that people who are in a similar situation to me are feeling like this disjointed mess and this like this. A lot of these negative feelings towards their family or towards immigrating and being an immigrant is to be kind to yourself and knowing that if your parents do fall short, it's not your onus to fix them. Like, as much as we are a culture based on community, you do have to take care of yourself and realize that sometimes people don't want to be fixed or they don't want to be better. And it's up to you to realize that loving yourself first and foremost, is as important as loving the people who took care of you. So yeah, I guess that's my message is be kind to others and yourself, I guess is my big message. [75.0s]

  Speaker 2 [00:52:42] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

  Speaker 1 [00:53:23] Oh, thank you. Thank you. Okay. Of course.