Charles Gray

• Transcript

  Speaker 1 [00:00:01] All right, I'm ready to go. It's here. Yeah, I think. I think this might. Yeah. Yeah. This is. It's like, right in front of me, so. Mm hmm. Yeah, I know. Nice. Okay. Pretty good. I just got out of class. I teach here at Cypress College. I just show you, like, here's the classroom. I teach, I teach video editing. This was really fun. It was our first assignment and we were showing the class everyone's projects as it was a fun day. So that's why I was like maybe 9:00 in case we run long. But luckily we ended up ending around 815, so. Oh, we're at. Whereas you. Because that is that. Oh, are you in Canada right now or. God, she. What time is it over there? Well, we are at the same time, Don. Okay. All right. Got you. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's. It's really fun. I actually really love it. I fell in love with teaching, and I this is my seventh semester, and I think I. I just told a friend last night, I feel like I'm finally in that groove of, like, loving it and, like, feeling comfortable talking in front of, like, a group of people, because that was I was it was nerve wracking the first semester ever. But now I feel like I'm just having fun now. Like, um, and I feel like my lesson is, like, strong and like, like it's been tested and I feel good about it. So, like, it's, it's, it's a nice feeling to, like, I love this job. Like, I love it. It's not all I do, but, but it's like a little aside, I'm only a part time teacher, but it's, it's. It's lovely, like. Yeah. Yeah. That's also really cool too, like learning about what the kids are talking about and what they like. Because I'm this first assignment was like, play a song and then ten video clips that match up to it. And so like, I'm learning about like new artists and just like recommendations for films and stuff. And so it's really cool. Yeah. [00:03:49]So my name is Charles John Gray. I am Filipino American, but I was born in the Philippines, in Quezon City. I am 43 years old. [9.9s] And so I was born in 1980. That is the Year of the Monkey. I'm an Aries. March 28 is another question. So that was that was okay. [00:04:15]But I grew up here in L.A. and I live here now Cypress College, where I teaches in Orange County near Disneyland, if you know what that is. And but I live in Gardena, which is about 20 minutes away from here. [12.8s] Hmm. That's a great question. You know, honestly, I, I find I actually feel like what I was thinking about when I was a kid has led me to this because when I was a kid, I, I spent a lot of time playing with G.I. Joes and drawing. And then I fell in love with G.I. Joe's Ninja Turtles. And I remember distinctly that when I used I used to draw Ninja Turtles. And then I when I started drawing them, I would make these stories out of the characters. So, like, I made my own, like basically my own episodes of the cartoon. So I had the four Ninja Turtle characters. But I would make a storyline through like in a comic book style drawing page by page, and I'd follow like this narrative that I was making up out of scratch. And then with playing with GI Joe's, I would I feel like I was making little movies because I was like having these action scenes and, you know, having storylines for them. And that's what I'm doing now in film. Like, you don't want to make making film short films for now. It's all storytelling. So. But but when I was [00:05:55]thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up, the only time I could remember that, that I had like a future dream was when it was like in my twenties, thirties, high school days to what I or I thought what I wanted to do is be in a band and play rock music. But I just realized that that's not who I am and what I'm good at. [23.4s] So. [00:06:26]Yes, I played guitar, but in the band that I was and I was the bass guitar player and we were an indie rock band from West Covina, California, which is where I grew up in my, like, youth middle school high school days. And it was just me and my friends and we. And thinking about it now, what I really loved about it the most was our singer wasn't that keen on writing the songs like the lyrics. And he knew that I was like into poetry. So I wrote the lyrics to the songs that he sang, and that was our dynamic. [39.1s] Like I wrote most of the lyrics, but I can't sing. And he was a great singer and guitar player and he liked singing the words that I wrote. So there was only one other band that I heard has that same dynamic and it's just Fall Out Boy, where the bass player Pete Wentz, actually writes the lyrics, but the lead singer sings the song. So, um, so when I was like, Oh, well, fall Out, boy, does this, maybe we could get by this way. [00:07:34]But I just realized there was a turning point where I went to film school because I wanted to direct the music videos for our band. That's where I found out, Oh, what I really love is film. [12.8s] I feel really lucky because [00:08:05]I hear that story a lot. And like the Asian diaspora of like the parents who don't want their kids to go to the arts because maybe there's no money in it, or they would rather than be doctors and lawyers and things like that. But I'm lucky because my dad was a film director in the Philippines and he grew up in the film industry over there. So I'm lucky to have had to have to have parents who support me in what I do. [29.4s] And it was never like you should also direct to like, like follow my footsteps. It was more so whatever you want to do, they'll support. And that. [00:08:47]I think that kind of mentality or spirit comes from the fact that they are like they have like artists, artists, blood, which I really appreciate because my dad is like a creative guy. Funny life of the party type of guy. Always great ideas. My mom, I could just, just for a woman to be with my dad I think takes someone who's like has an artist mentality. My mom's really cool. Like she's like, hip, you know? And so I think the fact that I had both of them as parents, I felt lucky because I never felt like, I can't do this thing. [34.5s] And I'm kind of really bent on following our family's legacy in film. So I almost like kind of never regret it. But I was like, Wow, what was I doing? And trying to do music? But now that I'm in film and this is like my passion and I know this is where I'm going to be, it actually played a part. The fact that I did take some have some years where I played music because in editing, in making movies, the score, the timing, the music, like it's so part of movies and things that I feel grateful to have had that small patch in my life where I was dedicated to music. I pretty much grew up in L.A.. I moved here when I was four. But I mean, I did have I did spend some time in San Francisco. But my I feel like my spirit is an Elvis, like I'm an L.A. kid and I feel like I'll be here for a really long time to. They did. [00:10:43]They did, yes. In the eighties, because I was born in 1980, moved to San Francisco in 1984. And my mom, my parents were pretty young back then. They were only like in their mid-to-late twenties. And so, yeah, they followed this calling from on my mom's side. My mom had an ad who said everyone should come to the US. There's a lot of opportunities here. Better money, better living situation. [31.7s] So my mom, like my mom's side, followed suit and, you know, my mom being with my dad and my mom was pregnant with my little brother at the time my dad followed. [00:11:27]But the thing that kind of sucks in my family, um, my dad was in his twenties and he was like a hot director, like film director back in that at that time. And for him to kind of drop all that like his career, to move to the US, to raise us, it just kind of sucks because A, when he was here, he only really ended up in like with odd jobs. He never became a movie director in the States, [35.1s] so I don't know if. [00:12:07]I mean, that that's a conversation for him. But but I'm sure that's not exactly what he what he wanted or had hoped. Moving to the U.S. would provide him. [9.1s] So, yeah. My mom and my dad and me. Yeah. Yeah, actually. [00:13:04]So when I was like when I graduated high school and then a few years after that, my little brother graduated high school. There was a period of time where my mom and dad were alone at the house [13.7s] because I had moved to L.A. and my little brother was like, I think he might have moved out with some friends or something. [00:13:29]My dad said, I'm going to go back to the Philippines and rekindle my film career. [5.3s] And I was like all four. [00:13:36]And I was like, Yes, please do it. Like live your best life. [2.8s] You know, I, I did thinking about it. Now I feel a little guilty on his behalf that he sacrifices his his, like, hot career to raise us for boys, me and my three brothers here in the States. But you know that that's how life goes. I always just kind of wonder if he regretted any of it. But we're here now, and, you know, I'm grateful that he did raise us here, and I'm happy to be here. [00:14:10]But, um, yeah, So, so after like in my college days, there was like about eight years where he was back in the Philippines and my mom was still here in the States. So that was an interesting time because I was like, my mom was like either living with me and my brother or she was close by. And I would she would kind of bring back stories of how my dad's doing. And I would only hear from him in like very short winded kind of staticky phone calls or like letters. And we he used he went back to working on TV. And me, my mom and my brother would sometimes go to like Filipino restaurants and wait for like the airing of the TV show that he directed an episode of. [52.6s] So that was a fun memory for me because in the beginning it was like the show called KRS-One Avenue, which was like a sketch comedy show similar to like Saturday Night Live with my other uncles and family members who were the stars of the show. And my dad, like knowing that my dad was like directing the episodes, I would I would be at this restaurant called DJ Bingo in West Covina, where, you know, you buy your meal and you sit there and you watch TFC Because we didn't have TFC [00:15:37]And I just remember feeling like, Man, my dad's doing it. He's living his dream. I was so happy for him, you know? So it was like kind of like a little bittersweet because like, I was so happy for him, but I also missed him. But I knew in my heart like, I don't I don't I didn't need him back. Like, I was, like, more happier knowing that he was happy. So that's kind of how that was when I was like in my twenties and thirties. [28.2s] Yes, totally. [00:16:24]So my oldest brother, he actually kind of wasn't the biggest fan of my dad movie, because when my dad made that move to the Philippines, it was right before my brother's wedding. And I knew like, he always kind of felt hurt that my dad left before the wedding. Could have waited. And. And. And then, like, he felt responsible for taking care of my mom, making sure my mom was okay here. So I feel like I think of out of all four of us boys. My oldest brother. Kind of. You know, it affected him the most. And then when he had his kids, you know, there was no grandpa around. So I think all that kind of accumulated. But just to kind of tell you where the story is now, my my brother actually helped my dad come back here. So my dad is now here, although he's going back to the Philippines because my mom is now there. [70.9s] So that's kind of like the fast forwarded version. But there was a time when my brother has now had with two kids, married, petitioned my dad to come back. And, um, my dad was here for quite a few years. [00:17:50]And that was an interesting time because we almost kind of like we're all playing catch up to being a family again, but we're all like older now. [8.6s] Um, my other brothers are married. Um, my two of my brothers have kids, and I'm not married with no kids, but I feel like we were, like, doing this like, adult version of, like being a family, [00:18:16]which was interesting, you know, mostly good times, but there are some sometimes these lingering feelings of, you know, whether it be resentment or just like all those years of not being together, causing some like little bit of drama or. Yeah. [17.6s] Yeah. Um, yeah. And your question was, was there anything between me and him? Was that your question or. You know, we we didn't agree on those feelings because I was on the opposite end where I was proud of my dad and happy for him and for me. I'm always like, it's, you know, live your best life and whatever that means to you, because I just hate seeing people who are like, not happy in their situation and, like, feeling stuck. It's just a shame to watch, you know? And I never wanted that for my dad. And but I could see my brother's side of it where he wanted either a dad or a grandpa to his kids. And I don't know if it was like the resentment of, like him missing out on his wedding and stuff. So in that sense, like, I didn't agree with my brother, but I don't think it affected our relationship. I mean, our brothers, If anything, it made us a little closer because, you know, we could talk about that and we did. We have had those conversations and, you know, sometimes these feelings without the proper, like therapy or just like express expression of them, they can kind of fester and get bottled up and explode later on. And, you know, which happened. But, you know, I think we're all in a better place now of understanding and just like acceptance, which is the good news. Uh. I went twice since I was born. And amazing times both times. I mean, the first time was just purely for vacation, and that was a blast. But that was only two weeks. And it was a blast. But it was also a family, a big family trip. So I didn't really get the feeling that I was really exploring the Philippines. It was more so kind of like being like a tourist on a tour, a tour guide bus where you're kind of doing everything, has a big group. So obviously like the restaurant we ate at, the places we went, we're all like, we all have to go as a group. But I would say the second time it was when I really enjoyed it because I was there for a month as opposed to two weeks. But the think that was interesting, that was different. That was the second time I went. We went because my grand uncle, he's a comedian over there named Dolphy, he's on and he was actually on his deathbed. And because there was like, Oh, he's about to go. All the family should go visit him before he passes. And so I went there for a whole month and on the basis of going to see him, But after we saw him, there's really nothing we could do. He was pretty much bedridden. And, you know, it's nice to see him, but I was there for a whole month anyway, so I just and I was there I was there with family at first, but there was like a good like two weeks when I was just me and my dad. And that was fine because I had met up with some friends that I had made do like I think my Facebook, MySpace, and it was just fine because I felt I felt like I've got to explore it on my own and do the things I really wanted to do. So I saw like the bands I wanted to watch and I went to like a outdoor music and movie festival and that was fun and it just felt more like I was exploring the Philippines as opposed to doing it as like a big group, you know? Oh, oh, oh. The people are great over there. I don't have any bad memories of any bad experiences. I mean, I remember like, my mom and dad were like, Oh, you can't go out on your own. You might get kidnaped or you might, you know, stuff like or, you know, they might rob you, but nothing ever that nothing like that ever happened. Um, but I just remember, like, it felt like a lot of just like, brotherly love. I mean, there were some places at times when people were not comfortable with English because that's, that's the main language I speak. But all in all, I felt like everyone was welcoming and friendly and nice. And I met some new friends and it was really fun. It made me, if anything, really want to like learn conversational Tagalog because I felt like a little bit of an outsider in that sense, although everyone was like, welcoming and like accepting of it. But I just wanted to, I guess, blend in a little more so. Yeah. [00:25:05]I will say the biggest thing I noticed was my dad when he is in the Philippines doing his thing, directing. He is like this happy person who is like in his element and it's so refreshing to see. That's what actually also inspired me to go to, because after that second trip to the Philippines, I came back and I was like, I'm going to film school. I was inspired by my dad because my dad here in the States. Yeah, I could tell there's like a little bit of I don't know if it's like sadness or just like, not fully feeling like he belongs in the US, kind of feeling, which I'm pretty sure affected his mental health. And, you know, because, you know, in the States my dad did odd jobs like car detailing chef at a restaurant hotel. Those that's not his passion. That's not his dream. So and that kind of like those feelings of like not feeling like you're living your best life trickled into our house and you know, there'd be like, fight with my mom and not always and never, like, physical fighting. I'm just talking about like, you know, your, like, arguments and just, you know, I could just remember night days where he just kind of was like walking around with, like, a bad attitude or just like, maybe it was depression. So, I mean, he also made the best of it. I mean, he was also a still so a friendly, fun loving guy in the States. But seeing him in the Philippines, a whole other level of happy person in his element, because that's what I knew. I was like, he is a director. I wanted to find out for myself in the States because I was in a band, but I knew there was like this feeling inside me that I don't think this is really who I am. So when it when seeing my dad in his element doing film inspired me to go to film school, I finally felt that feeling to like when I was in film school, like, Oh, this is what I meant to do. I just feel it. It was like easy for me to know, like, this is my path. [139.7s] But to go back to your mental health thing, I think if anyone, it was my dad, my mom, she was she, she's so chill that she I feel like she could blend in anywhere. Her the only mental health things I would maybe have noticed with her mom is that she would like miss my dad. And that probably just affected her in that sense. Um, but I think if anyone, it was my dad who showed it the most. I feel like I'm going in the right direction. I'm like, I'm in my dreams to write and direct my own feature films. I, I, I, I don't know how to say this, but I just feel like that's. It's coming very soon. Um, there are certain things that have happened in the last few months that I feel like are leading me to this place. Although I love what I do now, which is teaching, and I work at a media company. But I feel like my goal and my, my, my aim is still to, like, make my own feature films. And I just feel like I am seeing that pathway to get there. So I'm just trying to enjoy the journey while while I'm on it, because it is a journey and it has been a journey. Um, and I feel good because I'm later in my life and then some people who have already made their feature films. But to me I don't. I feel like it's okay because, you know, for me it's the stories of those people who did what they wanted to do later in life that inspire me and the people who are still doing what they love. At an older age that inspire me that I can still do it even though I'm older, but and haven't achieved it yet. But I do feel like I'm on the path to doing it. Same to you? Yeah. It is hard and I. But I feel like there is a way for if we keep at it. And that's part of the thing that I'm trying to kind of like instill on these students that you can still. That you can do it even though you're just starting out and you're coming into a class for the first time learning about this stuff. So. Nice. Uh, totally. Totally. That's also. When you say a broad, what do you mean by that? All right. Like you mean in general doing that? [00:32:26]I totally understand the plight of it, because, you know, [2.6s] a lot of the reasons people. [00:32:34]What I know that they the reason for them doing that is so that they can go to another country, get a better paying job, and then use that money to send that money back to the Philippines, to their families. I totally understand that. Um, so, and it's, I guess, proved to be a very lucrative way of life. And, you know, you hear now so many stories that Filipinos are kind of everywhere. [30.1s] You know, they they could come to the US and not even just the US, like there's Filipinos, like in Australia, London, and you name it. Um, and you hear about that, there's a lot of Filipinos are like cruise ships and like, you know, they're nurses abroad and all this stuff. [00:33:26]So I, I guess I support it, you know, I mean there's, there's, it is nice to know that like, we are kind of like showing and sharing our culture abroad and so that people outside of the Philippines can kind of like see and meet and at face value what Filipinos are all about. And we're talking about like nurturing people, caring, loving and of. Hard working and, you know. So I think that's a good thing because as a filmmaker, if we're tying it back to that, if we're now. Sharing stories about Filipino people. You know, maybe it's now more relatable or you would maybe feel like, Oh, I can relate to this because I know a Filipino and you know that the fact that they were going abroad could only be a good thing if we're talking about like. Audiences feeling like we're not a foreign group, that we're like, Oh yeah, that's I have some Filipino friends [75.3s] and, you know, one, one case that I always find. I don't know why this always sticks in my head, but you know that Spider-Man, uh, his friend is like a Filipino guy played by Jacob Batalon. You know about that, right? Or so I always remember an interview with the guy who casted Jacob Batalon and Hugh, who wrote the script for the first Spider-Man, where we saw it, where we got to meet Jacob Batalon. He said that him growing up in the States and one of his best friends was Filipino. So naturally when he was writing this character, he wanted to become Filipino because that's what he grew up with. And so to me, sorry, I totally have to a cough. Yeah, just that just goes to show, like, that's so amazing to me. Like, he didn't just make the character Filipino because, oh, that might be cooler air. Just saying he was writing what he do. And I just love that. Like this, like white guy could be friends with the Filipino guy that they were best friends. And in turn, that's why we have Jacob Battle on as this Filipino best friend as Spider-Man only because the writer had that in real life. I just love that story. I don't know. Can you repeat the question or like what? What? What was that you wanted me to talk about? Oh, [00:38:21]yeah. And it is sad. [2.2s] You know, it's sad knowing that, like, for example, like my mom, seeing her sometimes sad or lonely, that she didn't know my dad because my dad was following his dreams and my mom doesn't have dreams of living in the Philippines. She actually loved the idea of living in the U.S. So, [00:38:42]you know, because things like that loneliness can affect people, you know, um, I imagine some of these people who are doing that thing of working abroad, sending money back, whether it's for their kids or for their spouse partners, how, you know, dealing with that loneliness, you know, that can be very hard, as you know, especially not even just the loneliness you're missing out on, like actually raising your kids. [31.1s] Yes. You're providing for them monetarily, but you know, nothing That's there's no price for being like, you know, having that face to face time and actually being the parents that are there to, you know, being present to raise the kids. So it's a tough thing because on one hand, if you just stay in the Philippines and and make like the money around you, like like you work at a place that you don't get, make that much money, but you can still raise your kids, I don't know which one is the better option. You know, who's to say like sometimes that sacrifice that these people who live abroad go abroad, are making just so that they can provide better, uh, money for, for their, for the people family back home. [00:40:10]It's tough to say because now you're the pro is you make more money. The con is you're lonely and you lose that connection with your family because losing that connection with your family, that's such a you know, resentment can build up. [15.3s] In the case of like my brother, my dad, um, you know, if you don't see someone for ten years, a lot can change. Maybe you don't feel connected anymore and you or you have to, like, rekindle that. [00:40:38]So, uh, it's tough. I don't know where I stand on it. Like, which which one is better? Um, I just know that I understand the plight of the person who goes abroad to. To make better wages. [13.4s] I you know, [00:41:43]I kind of feel like my dad regretted coming here because. I just knew he passed up. He sacrificed so much. He gave up like this really great career that could have taken them to bigger and better places. [19.2s] I don't know. There's just this gut feeling that I feel like even he may never, ever tell me that. Because you know, how. How could you even tell your son I regretted raising you in the States, you know? Um, as far [00:42:21]for me, I mean, I have little regrets, like microcosm. Regrets of, like, this and that, but nothing major. Um. But if anything, I am more grateful because I am really happy that he did choose to raise us here. And I'm only hoping that if any amount of success that I can have over here can make him proud would be a blessing or a great gift to me like that. His sacrifice was not taken for granted or that there was a point or reason for that sacrifice. And I'm only hoping that I could play a part in making him feel like it was worth it for him to do what he did. [57.4s] He's pretty open and emotional and, you know, wears his heart on his sleeve and sensitive. And he may tell someone. I only just don't know if he might think, oh, I should. That's probably something I would never want to tell my son, because how could how would I live with that if if he said, oh, I regret, you know, giving up my career to raise you guys like. So, I mean, he does like, he's not like a bitter person where, you know, he's like holding this grudge and letting it letting it eat them alive. But because he is the type to see the good in things and I might be totally wrong. He might not even regret it. Maybe he is already proud and maybe he is happy. First, this is the decisions he made that might only be me overthinking it. But I think if to answer your question, I think he would be open to talking about it. I just might be really scared to ask him. If you know, that's a big question to ask at altitude of. I want to know the answer. You know, so. [00:45:59]I don't know. This is like this falls under like advice or whatever, but I only hope that Filipinos who do go abroad and choose to, that they never lose who they are in these new places. Because I know that there's like talk about like Filipinos who assimilate to like the culture that they're in. And, you know, I would just hate to for Filipinos to feel like, oh, I'm in this new country, I have to I better act and walk and talk like the people here so that I can blend in. I only just hope that that's not like the go to. Default because I always believe I truly believe that we are such a rich and unique and flavorful and amazing and awesome culture that we should be sharing all our intricacies and quirks to the outside world. Because I feel like even just on the story front, be like writing Filipino stories or Filipino folklore Filipino, but things that I that come out of like the Philippines, like we have such crazy, amazing stories, like why not share it with the world? Why not, you know, not be afraid of who we are? Because at the end of the day, I feel like we can only be better and grow if we're sharing our differences as opposed to like trying to mask it so that you can blend in. So that's just my only hope for Filipinos out there who choose to go abroad is that they never feel like they are outsiders in a new place or feel like they have to hide who they truly are. [117.8s] Because, you know, I'm so proud to be Filipino. And and it took me a while to get to this place where I learn, you know, learning about my culture because I you know, I'm guilty of that. And like, growing up in L.A., I was like a kid and teenager where I didn't even really know what Filipino culture all truly was, because I feel like we were like kind of trying to do our best to fit in and and all that. But, you know, once I started to, like, realize, Dan, we got so much there's so much about Filipinos that are like, so unique and that we should be sharing. And I'm seeing the fruits of that now, like so many other cultures are like fascinated with like Filipino culture. I feel like our food is like on the rise of like, ooh, Filipino food is like the next hot commodity. And I feel like our stories in movies and TV is kind of like on its way next. Like the fact that, like I always talk about with friends that like Korean culture is so popular right now with like music and k-dramas and Korean food. And it's and if you go to the root of their culture, they're just being unapologetically Korean like and people love it. And I think that's kind of like the sign for us to never lose who we are because, yeah, it's [00:49:31]yeah, that's my only, I guess the last words and hope for the subject of Filipinos going abroad. [7.3s] Yeah. Thank you to I mean, it's nice to, you know, talk about these things. You don't get to talk about it every day. So thank you for doing this. And I yeah, please let me know next steps and I'd love to see the final product and support so. Got you. What question? The video of this would be on it or no. Okay. Got you. Okay. Because I was going to say like. Like maybe like this email or like this. Okay. Okay, cool. Got you. Got you. All right, well, I'll send all email this over to you right away, so. All right. Yeah. How cool all was started. Same to you. And, you know, outside of this office, if you ever want to reach out and talk film stuff or, you know, please let me know. Like, I'm open to collaborating with people outside of the L.A. and the U.S. and all that. So. Cool. All right. Thank you. Now. I should be fine. Thank you. All right. All right.